Total Mind Connection’s Weblog

Have you ever heard somebody, maybe even yourself, say things like, “She stressed me out” or “He made me mad”? For some of us this happens all the time. The problem is that when we really think about it we know that’s impossible. Nobody can make us do anything without our permission, at least without a gun. So to take back control of your thoughts and your stress level the first thing you need to remember is…

You control the frame

The term frame comes from psychology. It refers to how we look at the world, as in a frame of reference. It’s how we understand or process events in our minds and it’s what we focus our attention on.

When you focus your attention on what’s stressing you out, the problem, guess what happens. That’s right, you become stressed out. In NLP this is known as being problem focused. But if you focus your attention on what you want, the solution, guess what happens. You’ve got that right too! You stay calmer and more relaxed. You’re able to start the process as how to figure out how to solve your problem. In NLP this is known as being solution focused. As the “secret” points out it’s all about what you focus on. When we focus on problems they seem to get bigger and bigger. When we focus on solutions they seem to get clearer and clearer.

Focusing on the problem causes us to worry. When Wayne Gretszky was asked the difference between a good and great hockey player he said, “A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.” Playing your life where you want it to be by choosing what you focus on makes for a greatly reduced stress level. So how do you know what to focus on? Well you’ve got to…

Decide what’s important

If you choose to frame, or make an argument between you and a close friend or family member the center of that relationship, it will probably cause you to blow up and scream and holler. This could, and probably will cause a bitter division between the two of you. It will also cause you a whole lot of stress. But if you frame the argument as a small interaction within a great relationship it can prompt you to remain calm, stick in there and resolve the issue. It will actually reduce your life’s stress.

Before making yourself and the people around you crazy step back and take a long term look at the situation. Ask yourself “how important will this be in a day, a week or a year. Is it really worth all this negative energy?” If the answer is no, decide what’s really important and focus your time and energy on that. Once you’ve decided what’s important you’ll also need to…

Learn to relax

If you picture yourself as Superman or Superwoman, stress is your Kryptonite. Just as lead could shield Superman/woman from Kryptonite your body can be protected by using the relaxation response. It’s your body’s antidote to stress, and it creates a sense of calm and well-being.

You can receive chemicals from your brain’s pharmacy simply by relaxing. The relaxation response can be triggered by simple breathing techniques that you can use when you’re caught up in stressful situations. By the way the breathing techniques I teach in Total Mind Therapy that I learned form Tai Chi and Chi Kung practice are perfect for this type of stress relief. Additionally, in order to make sure you stay relaxed, build time into your schedule for activities that are calming and pleasurable such as reading a good book. Another way is to make time for your hobby, spending time with your dog, or just taking a relaxing bath. Another way to relax is to…

Model Calm People

Modeling is a powerful method of developing yourself into the type of person you want to be. So to reduce your stress, learn to model calm people, people who seem to naturally handle stress well. When people around you are losing their head, who keeps calm? What are they doing differently? What is their attitude? What are they saying to others? What are they saying to themselves? Have they been trained in stress management? What experiences have they had? You might watch them or, better yet, sit them down and talk with them. Ask them how they cope with the things that seem to stress everyone else out. A key strategy in NLP is earning from the best and modeling what they do.

So there you have it – how to make stress reduction an inside job. If you find that you are having difficulty coping with stress I can help. Just go to my website and check out my free e-course.

Until the next time…

Wishing You Only Success